“hallelujah” by leonard cohen being played as an easter and christmas song, “zombie” by the cranberries” being played as a halloween song, and “born in the U.S.A.” by bruce springsteen being played as a Fourth of July/generic us patriotism song have got to be a special trifecta of the most no-listening-comprehension musical moments that happen on seasonal playlists every single year
you know how kids tend to subconsciously adopt the mannerisms of their parents? i wonder how far back that stretches.
do i laugh like my great grandfather, because that’s the way my grandma laughed, and my mom copied her?
does the way my dad make comedic sounds when he’s driving actually originate with a distant uncle two hundred year ago, who made funny noises in the horse-drawn cart because it made his niece laugh?
i wonder which of my little mannerisms came from ancestors long passed, and i wonder which of mine will echo in family descendants long after i’m gone.
Audio transcript : Hamster balls are like so dangerous for small animals. You know why? Because like, they can’t extend their back properly, so their back is like thi– (cuts off abruptly as the creature in the hamster ball is revealed to be a crab; pauses. The following is said with an affectionate tone like one uses when speaking of a cute animal:) Well, he can’t break his spine ‘cause he don’t have a spine.
r u a big shirt lil pants gay or a lil shirt big pants gay
[Digital sketch of two stick figures. The left one is wearing an oversized t-shirt and shorts, the right one is wearing a close-fitting tank top and wide-legged pants.]
some church performed (and livestreamed) a production of hamilton even though they absolutely do not have performance rights bc they’re not available and also completely changed parts of the script to have an anti-gay message (i have no idea WHAT bc it’s not like hamilton mentions gay people at all ever) and to mention jesus a lot more. lmm’s legal team told them to cut that shit out before the performance and it was ‘cancelled’ and then the church told the performers and audience that they’d gotten permission (they hadn’t) and the performance went ahead so they’re probably about to be sued into oblivion
told my parents i miss archaeology and my mom was, very sympathetically, like: “do you want to dig holes in the garden?” and i was like. yes. i want to dig holes in the garden.
my wife, after reading this to me aloud: It’s your people! …do you want me to break a clay pot for you to put back together?
me, burying my face in my hands: Maybe…?
These are both moods, but unfortunately I am primarily a bioarchaeologist. (IE, I specialize in digging up old human skeletons.) And, uh, home-made bioarchaeology is tragically discriminated against by law enforcement.
Only if you get caught
This whole post took an unexpected turn
Out of work paleontologists can take a page out of the Girl Scouts handbook and eat a chicken, clean the bones, encase them in a mud and plaster mix, then chip it back out. Which is legitimately how Girl Scouts earn their paleontology badge.
… I rebuilt my chicken by modeling muscles back onto the bones using clay, then putting skin on it and making it look like a dinosaur….
Perfect. Exactly the right way to add a part 2 to this project.
enrichment
How do I explain Plato’s allegory of the cave to quarantined archeologists?
Anonymous said:
